Saturday, March 21, 2009

Living with the Wolves

My son and his wife sold their party train and had to take it to Houston. They decided to make a trip of it and visit the coast and her dad in Austin, extending the trip through the weekend. They took their sheltie with them, but left their two half-wolves and mutt with us. The wolves each have a dog crate the size of a minivan where they sleep. Since the younger wolf is still a puppy, of about 50 lbs, she shares her crate with the mutt.

They get fed once a day. The papa bowl for Avalanche, the older wolf; the mama bowl for Maya, the young wolf, and the baby bowl for the mutt. Avalanche used to literally wolf down his food. He grabbed mouthfuls as fast as possible and swallowed without chewing. He’s calmed down now and eats more calmly, but can still wolf down food if he thinks someone will take it away from him. (That someone will not be me between a wolf and his food.)

At 5am, the wolf pack began a howling, barking riot that I’m sure could wake the dead, after all, it did wake me from a dead sleep. It turns out that there is something that smells worse than a wolf. I left them outside, praying that that won’t wake (or eat) the neighbors, while I cleaned up the mess and sprayed the room with liberal amounts of air freshener.

After living with the wolf pack for 3 days, I have determined the method in their plan of attack. First, they make their prey sleep deprived, so as not to suspect an attack is coming. It is also possible that they make their prey sleep deprived in order to cause the prey to think in irrational ways. Second, whenever the wolves are wandering free in the yard, the oldest will sneak up behind you and nose you, spreading wolf snot and slobber on you. If you have just gotten out of the hot tub, the oozing slime can literally be strategically placed anywhere on you. This is not merely random snot. This snot is for tracking you later when you least suspect it.

I haven’t worried about this for 2 days because the motor home sized crates are comparatively secure. That was when I noticed that the springs are gone from one of the crates. In that wolfish mind, I can see them plotting now. The young wolf will open her cage first with the help of the mutt. The two of them will then free the pack leader. All of this will happen in the dead of night. Their keen sense of smell will then lead them to the snotty smell they placed on you, no matter where you sleep or hide.

I decided that tonight is the night they will strike as the sleep deprivation will be at its peak. I think I can move the book case in front of the door, but I don’t know how much snot marking has been done with the kids. I may just have to stay up all night in the living room with the lights on and the garlic spread around the room. Oh, wait, would that smell like seasoning too much?
What’s that snuffling sound?


1 comment:

Delirious said...

My dog has this very rude habit, (rude in people world, not rude in the dog world) of sticking her nose in your behind to see what you had for lunch that day. I'm always worried I'm going to walk around with nose marks on my rump